KIWI WARNS SCOTS: BULLS STILL HAVE HORNS, EVEN WITHOUT THEIR GOLDEN CALVES

Written by: Floyd Nkanyane

In a twist that’s about as surprising as finding haggis in Glasgow, a New Zealand-born fullback is cautioning his Scottish teammates about the dangers lurking in Pretoria. Josh McKay, playing for the Glasgow Warriors, is waving red flags about the Vodacom Bulls’ backline, even though the South African team’s World Cup-winning trio are out grazing in greener pastures.

Despite missing their star players, McKay insists the Bulls aren’t just a one-trick pony. They’re more like a rodeo’s worth of tricks, complete with “electric backs,” “good kickers,” and “strong ball carriers.” It’s enough to make a Scotsman consider trading his kilt for rugby shorts.

The Warriors, still nursing their wounds from last year’s EPCR Challenge Cup loss to Toulon, are now just 80 minutes away from potential glory. Their South African coach, Franco Smith, has apparently been working miracles. Or maybe he’s just been forcing them to run up and down the Highlands until they got better.

But before the Glaswegians start planning their victory parade, they might want to address their penalty problem. In their last match, they conceded six penalties in 11 minutes, a rate that would make even the most lenient traffic cop reach for their ticket book. The referee for the final, Andrea Piardi, has already shown he’s not afraid to send players to the naughty corner.

As for playing at altitude in Loftus Versfeld, McKay’s strategy seems to be: ignore it and hope your lungs don’t explode. It’s a bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off for them.

So, as the Warriors prepare to face the Bulls in their own backyard, they’re trying not to think about the outcome, the altitude, or the fact that they’re essentially bringing bagpipes to a vuvuzela fight. May the best team win, and may someone remember to bring an oxygen tank… just in case.